“Remedy” is actually a sequel to another song I wrote, “Unbreakable” which was in response to living through the 2016 terrorist attack in Nice, France, on Bastille Day. I’m not trying to market any sort of tragedy, so let’s get that out of the way real quick: I wrote “Unbreakable” because I came back from that trip feeling shattered and confused, and writing the song helped put me back together. I sat down and wrote “Unbreakable” feeling angry and frustrated that this broken human had irrevocably changed my life, however, having come to that realization that I would never give into fear, I began to realize that the situation had actually created something new in me. I understood that this was now something that was woven into my DNA and it somehow made me stronger, I found strength that I didn’t know that I had. Instead of cowing down to fear, I began facing my fears head on, looking them dead in the face and metaphorically saying “what the fuck you gonna do about it”.
When I was writing “Unbreakable”, I didn’t want to shy away from exactly what it’s about, running away from gunfire and mayhem, I felt it was important to capture and incorporate those types of sounds in the song, so that’s why you hear heavy breathing and gunshots. The song as taken many forms since its original form, and the final version feels even more relevant now because there have been so many mass shootings and gun control is still a volatile topic with so many people, which is why I’ll save opining on that topic for another time. As cathartic and healing as writing the song was, I still felt that I needed to face my ultimate fear and go back to the scene of the crime..
I went back to Nice in July 2019 for Bastille Day, alone this time, and retraced the steps and the horrors that took place. I wanted to go back and finish writing my album Cruel World, but for the first four days I was there, the words wouldn’t come, there was some sort of glitch in my brain. I would put pen to paper and write but nothing felt authentic or genuine, until I made it through Bastille Day. There was some unconscious malfunction in the brain that wasn’t letting me write until I fully lived through that day, in that place again, and the following day, and so my song “Remedy” just started pouring out of me. I had to go back to the origin of trauma, find all of the broken pieces and put them back together and in the process, I wasn’t finding closure, because things like this you don’t get closure from, they become a part of you. That’s how and why I wrote this song: I found a Remedy for my own healing.
A friend met me in Nice, and I walked him through the places and the events of that night, and I found that as I did this, talking about it, shedding light on this “thing” the weight and gravity of the situation began to lose its grip. I started formulating and arranging “Remedy” in Nice, and while I was on the train to Paris, I kept working on it and by the time I pulled into Gare de Lyon, the song was born into the world. I took what I had back to Seattle to finish recording it, and how the song ends, just repeating “I found the Remedy” is a declarative chant, and I want people to know that if I can find the Remedy I needed, that they’re not alone and can find the Remedy they need to continue to heal and find strength they never knew they had.
You can listen to “Remedy” here: http://ceem.bnd.lc/remedy